Key West tomfoolery

I survived my flight back to DC, mystery “Chinese herbal remedy” and all. It turned out that my parents were in town that weekend, visiting grandkids, and my sister-in-law had the great idea that I surprise them! So, I LIED to my parents about my return date from Thailand and even BLOCKED them from viewing my Instagram story (I was never this sneaky in high school, I swear!). My eight-year old nephew, Jack, even kept the surprise, although apparently he mentioned several times how much fun it would be if I was there and had many questions about the delivery time of a mysterious Amazon package he was expecting. Nevertheless, they both looked utterly shocked and, of course, my mom shed a few tears. Here we are, reunited!

It’s a tad ironic that my next trip was one that was planned almost a full YEAR ago, especially as I think about how many trips I’ve taken between then and now that I hadn’t yet planned on at that time (or in the 6-10 months that followed). So, as context, every June for the past five years a group of us girls take a fantastic long weekend trip to a different and always amazing destination, and the boys from the same group try to do the same but seem to get their act together only every few years or so. Yours truly excluded, most of the group has known each other since living in the Adams Morgan neighborhood in their roaring 20s but people have dispersed a bit since then (some all the way to the suburbs!). I’m not sure how I didn’t meet this crew way back when, but I get the sense that whatever I was doing at the time was less fun than what they had going on. Anyways, I managed to squirm my way into the group later on and just in time for the inaugural girl’s trip (Vegas baby!). So, fast-forward to this year which was a monumental birthday of sorts for a few of us and we decided to throw the guys a bone and allow a combo girls-guys trip. I was really pushing for a cruise but suspected if I “got my way” I would be the only one on the ship. After much discussion, we decided on Key West, Florida. I’d been twice before (once for the millennial New Years celebration!) and found something innately ‘happy place’ about the vibe there. So, I quickly stopped lamenting my lack of cruise-going friends, as I knew a good time was guaranteed in Key West- and here we are!! [Please ignore the stone faced guy in the forefront. Han is smiling inside, I’m sure!]

There were lucky 13 of us in the group and despite the fact that many of us were coming from the DC area, we seemed to all be on different flights, at different times, and with different connections. I’m pretty sure we had every flight of the day covered. However, while texting the group during my layover in Fort Lauderdale, I realized that two of “us” (Linda and Han) were at the Chili’s just down from the Margaritaville where I had hunkered down. And it was a pleasant surprise to learn that we were on the same flight for final leg of our journey (on a tiny propeller plane that was about 100 degrees- but at least we had each other)! Han was obviously thrilled (cue his happy face!) that he could sit next to Linda and I as we blabbed away, catching up on life.

We all connected at our Air BnB that consisted of five villas with a cute courtyard area and little pool. It was totally Melrose Place and I totally loved it (despite no Andrew Shue to be found).

After enjoying a few (self-provided) welcome drinks a few of my comrades announced they were headed to the “turtle races” that were allegedly happening near the pier area. Impromptu adventure? Yes, please! There, we hung out at a fun bar and saw a beautiful sunset. (Yes, that would be a blow-up penis above my head. You see a lot of those in Key West!)

We also participated in the most bizarre turtle race betting process EVER (okay, I have no other turtle race betting process to compare it to but I stand firm in my supposition). Basically, how it works is everyone gets a piece of paper with a 1, 2, or 3 on it and you can win a prize (cash money!) if your turtle wins. But there are only 3 turtles and we have multiple pieces of paper in circulation for each number…so there must be a lot of winners? Like most things that seem too good to be true, it was (funny how I’m such an eternal optimist but I still believe in that saying). Anyways, first was the main event, the turtle dash, and it lasted about 30 seconds- those turtles have some wheels!

Then, those who had the number of the winning turtle (including lucky me!) got to line up in a loooong line and, one-by-one, tell the microphone wielding gent (who looks not dissimilar to a square dance officiant) their name and select a number from a board. Next step: lining up AGAIN, to see the same guy and this time trade your number for a key with that number on it. THEN, the real excitement starts as (with square dance enthusiasm) the officiant hypes up each person’s attempt to use their key to open magic mystery treasure chest that could (but everyone heard does) contain $500! I’d grown completely sick of this by now and had zero intention of joining a third looooong line (fool me twice…). Despite being a quitter I enjoyed watching everyone else get in line AGAIN and then finally get to the front and turn their key soooo expectedly, only to realize that (spoiler alert) they actually do not have the key that opens the magic treasure chest!! Awww, shucks! Huge blow. Every.single.time. I also saw that some ‘randomly’ selected contestants (it seemed anyone who attempted a rapport with the officiant) were offered a consolation prize in exchange for forfeiting their turn of the key. Over and over again I watched every person who was given this offer say “no way” to the consolation prize option! Really?? Again, I’m not a cynical person but something just seemed off with the whole operation. I got distracted socializing (story of my life) and later turned around to see the final line was at its end. I alerted Han (another cynical hold-out) and we both shrugged and jumped behind the few people left waiting with their keys. Thanks to much cheering by our friends and rapport-making by us, we were both given the opportunity to re-affirm our belief that WE had the winning key and that we did NOT want the consolation prize we were being offered. So, to sum it up, Han won a tank-top, I won a $20 gift certificate and nobody else there won anything, because nobody’s key worked. That’s right, over the course of hours of lines and dozens keys, not ONE of them worked (not even Han and I’s, which they tried anyways in hopes we’d be proven the ultimate, risk-averse fools). All in all it was the silliest contest ever- they should have just had the turtles race a few more times and called it a day. But as the person leaving with $20, and a new tank-top (a gift from Han), who am I to complain?

The turtle racing crew had worked up an appetite by this time and came across a little shack looking restaurant across the street, called BO’s Fish Wagon (actually I’m pretty sure someone in the group did some research but it felt like we just randomly ended up there). They had the MOST AMAZING fish tacos and I highly recommend seeking this spot out if you find yourself in Key West.

The next morning I woke up late, just as the bike ride/ jet-ski crew was about to depart and I wasted zero time joining their bandwagon. We rented bikes, which is an excellent way to get around the small island of Key West and especially if you want to go to their one beach. If you don’t know the island you may be expecting tons of beaches but there is really only one and it’s even part of a National Park (so a little set-back from the main area). It’s a nice beach with clear blue water and well-worth the short bike ride!

We then headed to our jet ski adventure. I love myself a good adrenaline rush but had never used a jet-ski so wasn’t sure what to expect. Here’s the jet-ski crew:It was SOOOO much fun!!! It reminded me a lot of the snowmobiling that I’d enjoyed in Finland (which is odd if you think about the two things I’m comparing) but once you get going fast on the jet ski and focus on following the wake of the person in front you, it feels a lot like zooming through a path in the snow. And almost just as exhilarating! Due to an ominous lightning storm (I did my very best big girl face to try to ignore it) we couldn’t circle the entire island as planned, but I was quite happy keeping my jet-ski full throttle (at a whole 40 mph) and doing donuts in the Gulf, with a few stops to cool off in the water.

That night we enjoyed a birthday dinner of sorts and some cavorting around town. Cavorting can cover a large swath in Key West and, while we were mostly well-behaved, every morning we enjoyed sharing stories about the interesting people we’d met and (sometimes even more interesting) things we’d seen.

Key West has no shortage of personalities, that’s for sure…we fit right in!

The next morning was brunch at a Key West must-see restaurant, Blue Heaven, which is  a local staple for its delicious food, live music, and copious amounts of character. I highly recommend.

We then meandered around the colorful, music infused streets for a while (some may have napped), and took in the must-see sights.

We then reconnected for a sunset boat cruise (with snorkeling!).

My towel-boyfriend, Pedro even made the trip, and was actually very popular!

This was followed up (yes, it was a packed day!) with another delicious dinner, where I had the most fabulous, perfectly cooked (rare) tuna skewers. Our final night consisted of some bonding in the courtyard…have I mentioned I love the courtyard concept? There was just something so comforting knowing anytime you wanted to wander out to the courtyard there would be some combination of your 13 friends out there, most likely with a chilled bottle of rose and an extra glass. It was kind of like seeing a mirage every time!

The next morning Sarah and I headed out earlier than most of the crew, as we’d (inadvertently, of course) booked the same flight home. We checked in with plenty o’ time to spare in the tiny Key West airport (we probably would have had time to spare in most airports, actually). There was nobody in the airport or the security line and I sent this pic to our friends, telling them there was no need to rush to get there early for their flights.

Then, our trip home took a twist. We liked the looks of the one restaurant OUTSIDE security [FATAL FLAW] and then our flight was delayed and we thought we could take our time [CONFOUNDING VARIABLE] and then, while eating breakfast, the non-existent security line had gotten almost as long as the turtle race betting line(s) [UNFORTUNATE CIRCUMSTANCE]…and you can guess what happened next. Once we saw that our gate was closed, Sarah did not miss a beat in turning to tell me “this is going to be an expensive mistake.” And, she was not entirely incorrect, but we now both agree it was the BEST MISTAKE EVER! Thankfully Sarah is like me in that she can quickly appreciate the lemonade from the lemons…and then go make a ton of friends to drink it with. We meandered into the gate area (there’s only one) and hung out there for a while, greeting all of our friends as they trickled in for their respective flights.

During this time, Sarah dealt with Jet Blue on the phone (for approx 20 minutes) and learned she had to PAY for a flight out the next morning. This was unfortunate but I guess that’s how it works when you fly out of a small airport and are dealing with subsidiary airlines? It took me a full 2 hours and 20 minutes on the phone with Expedia, (aka the online travel agency I plan to never use again) to be informed that I would also have to pay to be rebooked for the next day. However, the only flight they could offer me was a two-layover, 15-hour journey, for $795. Was I flying from Beijing?? I took a veeeery deep breath, not-so-politely declined their office, and told Sarah we should move on with our day (later, once I recovered from this excessive hold situation, I booked a normally priced, normal travel-time flight on my own). We selected our hotel based on the recommendation from the airport staff, who we’d gotten to know fairly well by this time in the day. The Marker is great! It’s newish, full of character, and has three pools (!!!) We spent the afternoon at one pool, feeling no need to explore the other two. Did I mention this was the best mistake ever??

In the pool we met new friends, including ‘the family,’ which consisted of a couple from southern California, vacationing with their 12-year-old daughter and her best friend. The “he” of the couple has been coming to Key West for 25 years and the “she” is only at 19 years, but has equal enthusiasm for the place. They are a ton of fun and definitely love themselves some Key West! And the two girls are confident and articulate young women, who don’t seem to mind hanging out with adults. They gave both Sarah and I lot of hope for future generations. We ended up joining ‘the family’ that night for lobster mac’ n’ cheese at a REALLY fantastic restaurant named the Flaming Buoy. ‘The family’ are big fans of this place, they goes every year and are now friends with the owners. The daughter even has has her height chronicled on the front porch post, with notches from every year since she was two years-old! I know I’ve blabbed on about other restaurants, and overall the food really is amazing in Key West, but the Flaming Buoy really is THE BEST. The owners are talented and welcoming fellow nerds (except the kind who have seen Star Wars). They have a hilarious social media presence and are currently both bewildered and amused (bemused?) that somehow their restaurant was mistaken on social media platforms as the Virginia-based restaurant where Sarah Huckabee Saunders was recently denied service, the Red Hen. I mean, flames are red, so maybe that’s where the name confusion came from? So random.

Anyways, Sarah and I had the best bonus day ever, and all because we missed our flight!

At one point I thought maybe missing my flight and having such a great day was a SIGN that I should live in Key West! It does seem to take a special breed to be a Key West transplant and there’s not a lot of people who know me who question that, if nothing else, a special breed I am! Maybe someday in the future. But for now, the SIGN and all, it was back to DC for more unpacking and re-packing…stay tuned!